Thirsty for love.

(Picture people rushing in a crowded street)

She is in denial.

Running running running.

No silence. Please.

Can’t stand to think about it.

.

(Picture engraved black letters on a tombstone overgrown with weed)

Self hate.

So strong.

Engraved. Accepted. 

Feared.

.

(Picture an old well.)

Sadness as its own purpose.

Despair. 

It physically hurts.

She is confused.

Thirsty for love.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Three Perfect Shots.”

That was three shots, but I have the fourth.

(Picture woman standing in light, light goes from inside her and outside, it surrounds her.)

The wall has collapsed.

And she liberated herself.

She found a well.

She is not as thirsty anymore. ❤

Uhmmmm… What?

Warning: It is OK and encouraged to laugh at this post. But not too much.

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I officially don’t understand this illness.

There, I said it.

I was thinking of doing a list of all things it made me go through – in a kinda pissed off yet humorous way (my favorite kind of way) but the list is getting too long!!

Lets try to crack this mofo down. Symptoms.

Cold; running nose, sore throat, cough, headache, head feels like a balloon and you generally feel like crap.

Flu; Very high temperature, muscle ache, very heavy cough

This illness? BOTH.

I have felt that something is just not right few days after the New Year’s Day. My throat was hurting and I didn’t feel well. Since by that time my sis was few days into a serious illness where she couldn’t swallow from pain and had all of the symptoms of a cold I kinda figured that I got it and went “Oh no. No. Oh no.” in my head. Then mum got it and they both got antibiotics (which are given for the bacterial infections!) and I was still in the Status Quo. Well, few days later no more status quo for me! Muscle ache. Real bad. Cried of pain. (This is supposed to be slightly funny but hey it gets “better”). Luckily found a creme for (against?) pain to massage all over my back. That creme and few others were my new besties.

I was still enthusiastic. Hey I had temperature just over 37 degrees. USA you need to give up the Fahrenheit. OK fine, there: 98.6 F.

But next day. Nope. Not even gonna go there. Temperature close to 39 degrees and over (102.2 F) and in next days going from 37 – 39 in 15-20 minutes. Boy, that was an experience I thought I will never have to get familiar with. This temperature stuff happened more at night so I was alone with my thoughts up until pill for taking down the temperature started working. FUN. Not being able to move because I was too damn cold. I got cramps because I did not want to move until it got hot. Oh, and when it got hot, I was ON THE SUN. My legs were so hot (Amazing start of a sentence in a different occasion) that, and I shit you not, my body hair curled!

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I thought (not in one occasion) “Okay I’m gonna die this way.” Not a pleasant thought when you feel like Superman on a bed of Kryptonite. So, you ask me, did I got scared? i have other issues going on with my health and yes, I got super scared! One night I panicked and as I was having a panic attack I started to sweat and I thought to myself “Great, the temperature will go down now.

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My doctor was a delight and she admitted me without appointment. I was having about 38.5 C at the moment and a kind woman in the waiting room asked me if I was alright. No, kind lady, but thank you, it’s nice to be the sickest at the doctors. It was either my doctor or emergency room. Fortunately she said it was virus-related so I didn’t need antibiotics, told me to drink huge amount of liquids which I already did and keep taking down the temperature.

Speaking about liquids I think I drank liters of tea/juice/water/anything drinkable really in that 5 days as I normally would in like… two months.

I just realized I took you on this painful journey with me. I’m sorry. I will make a virtual cookies. There.

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Where was I? Oh yes… After five days the temperature finally dropped and wasn’t coming back, so I didn’t took a pill for reducing it. Mistake. The temperature that night made a comeback like a band on a concert when you think it’s over but…ei, they they are with one more song! That was the last song of the temperature… SO FAR. I am trying not to jinx myself. So I unknowingly enter phase two of this whatever it is. Recovering.

I was so happy first few days that I wasn’t burning like a hamburger on a barbecue that I haven’t noticed how slowly the recovery goes with this. I am not kidding. I felt like I had 200 kilos and this hippopotamus here needed half a minute to get to the bathroom few feet away. Food – no interest. I thought I had lost weight for sure but I didn’t. I have no idea how. I did eat like small meals and drank a mixture of a lot of fruit and veggies home-made. My sis made a fast recovery but she is not feeling extra well again. My mum and I – we were snails in a snail race. Every day just a lil’ bit faster. So I entered the third phase.

Boredom.

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I was happy at first that I was bored – you think I would learn with the first wave of happiness. But then I got REALLY bored and low energy so no out of bed. There is only so many things you can do that don’t involve moving or watching TV. I listened to a lot of stand up comedy on my mobile, and even that got boring. Then it hit me all the stuff I was planning to do, and places I wanted to go and how none of that happened… You know, fun stuff again. And after like what it seemed like a lifetime of low energy boredom I entered the phase I am in now. The “What?” phase.

I got enthusiastic about food again. YAY! I also started to feel smells and I can kinda hear again normally (ears got clogged). I can move faster, I can watch at screens more. I can even wash my glass when I put the new tea in! Ha! It’s the small victories that count. It is still weird how slooooooooooow the recovery goes but I have read about something that made me rethink it all and it’s not terrible. It is frustrating, boring, it sucks big time, it is confusing but there are people who have it much worse. Heart shutout to them ❤

The “What?” phase is called like that because I started again to have some of the first symptoms like sore throat, clogged sinuses and headache. I am hoping SO MUCH I am not stuck in a Groundhog illness. Please, oh, please.

Also I got all of your comments which I respond when I feel well enough or bored enough to not care about how I feel. I love them, keep ’em coming! ❤ And speaking of groundhog we are waiting some sort of snow blizzard in Croatia that is supposed to make us go “wow” and “oh no” at the same time. It is snowing as I type and… eh. Who cares. I’m in bed anyway.

p.s. I realized I handled (handling) this like a champ. Very proud. 🙂

Be Aware of The Impact Negative Energy Has

I had THE PERFECT image for this post and I spent an hour searching for it. Since I can’t look at screens again, that is an hour too long!! And I didn’t find it!!

I remember exactly how it looked like so I will recreate it; it showed bunch of people drawn cartoon-ish, they were black and above them there was a black speech bubble. In the middle of the crown there was a white person with small white speech/thought cloud, but the black big cloud was dripping black ink into the small white bubble.

You get it right?

No matter how positive you are, if you’re surrounded with negative energy and negative people, they will affect you in negative way.

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I read a bunch of stuff about this and they always sound the same, get rid of those people. But what if that is not the option? What if they are your family? What if you are somehow stuck with this people in current situation?

I can only speak from my experience. When you are feeling a bit low, or exhausted, or it isn’t your day, no matter how hard you try to separate yourself from negative energy, it’s gonna affect you because you are weaker than normal. Likewise attract likewise. Negative feeds off negative. What can you do?

I don’t know what all those articles about this topic suggest, but what helps me is to find million things that make me normally happy. No, billion. If negativity has billion things to keep you occupied, bring out billion and one thing that is just plain awesome. It can be anything, from people you love, memories you cherish, things you look forward to, nature, books, movies, animals, pets, good TV shows, funny videos, great people around you and far away….. Everything. Bring your weapons out. 😉 If you’re stuck try new methods. If you don’t like meditating, don’t! Yell, shout, let it all out. (hehe) Go for a run. Or don’t. Play a video game. Zone out. Listen to music that feeds your soul. And most importantly, DON’T listen to negative energy. Shut it out. Literary. Close the door behind it, don’t let it into your space. Imagine as if you have a glass bubble like the one from beginning and your is white, transparent. Nothing gets in. You can observe other people get frustrated, mad, negative, but nothing gets in your bubble.

I desperately wanted to participate in this year’s NaBloPoMo but again, life happened. And I am not feeling well. So, I will participate now in this hour I stole from who knows where and answer to today’s Prompt.

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Thursday, November 27

Where do you see your blog in one year? Five years?

I have no freaking idea. I got worried few days ago about my life in perspective of five years forward, because I am afraid that I won’t be able to do what I have planned. But then I remembered how it was five years ago and I realised that I don’t need to think about that. All is good. All will be good. I have granted myself freedom, I have allowed myself love. And that keeps me breathe deeply and happy. And it is really never too late to do anything I want to, it just gets delayed. 🙂 It is at times, very hard to get pass some things and to endure other. Then I imagine that I am bathing in a sea of love. Just love, everywhere around me. My love, other’s love for me, love in general.

I will keep sharing. I have this “privilege” to talk about something while it is happening. It’s not, yeah I’ve been there so I did this. No, I am walking my own talk. And I hope I will keep inspiring other people, that is my wish.

Off I go. ❤

Attitude

Hey guys, how are you?

Behind me is a very hard weekend.

But, every day I was happy about something and honestly, I don’t know how I fucking do it. Yes, there are times when I just want to sleep everything away and when I cry because I want to be free from pain but I don’t want to go there now.

Let me tell you what made me happy… 🙂

I was with my love, and I don’t mean chocolate 😉

I have three herbal cremes for (against?) pain so I was almost bathing in them and bf helped me every way he could.

I ate an amaaazing tiramisu, it really made my  friday morning.

I discovered that I, in fact, love cinnemon for which I was sure I hate. As a concequence I drank a loooot of tea from apple and cinnemon. A lot. Yumm.

I cuddled with the most cuddly kitty I have ever “met”, my bf cat who is 5 months and is…adorable. She followed me around like a puppy. 🙂

It is now cold outside and it was cloudy/raining for days and it brought even some pretty big storms last week, but today the sun broke through the clouds. I loved it…

Every moment I was feeling better, I cherished. I sang to myself.

I woke up. And I see and I can walk, and talk and hear, and I am loved. It is a blessing. I don’t feel afraid. I feel like this is a new chapter and it is only going better. I know it. 🙂

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I am really looking forward to reading all your comments…. ❤

One for the Monday ;)

Have a great beginning of the week. Here it is raining – therefore, I am staying in my bed. 😀 Also I need to figure out bunch of stuff of which I can’t talk about, otherwise it will not be a surprise. 😉 So, I guess I have to develop a skill that includes “chores from bed” and I stamp the Copyright on that name right here and now.

Thanks for the huge response on my last two posts. ❤

Absolute Beauty!

I just HAD to write something to today’s Prompt! I had had had to 🙂

We’ve all heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you agree? Is all beauty contingent on a subjective point of view?

I have been thinking today how all of you are so beautiful in my mind. For most of you I don’t know how you look, what color are your eyes, how much do you weight… I know you by your kind comments, sparkling personality, creative spirit and encouraging nature. AND THAT IS BEAUTIFUL TO ME.

I see you as Supermodels in my head. Like the person other people see as beautiful is not that special to me if she/he doesn’t have the spirit, the soul, the kindness, the humanity.

I feel that so much beauty is hidden from this world because of fear. Fear of facing rejection from who we are. Fear of being mocked. But the most powerful fear is the one in which we don’t accept ourselves and don’t love ourselves. But even if we do, being reject from others still hurts… Despite that, show it!

Just show it! When we show our self, the person we really are, when we share our dreams on a plate to the world what happens is that most of the time world is left speechless. Moved.

Beauty of a dream, beauty of a talent and beauty of strength is so inspirational. So perfect. It is the essence of us and I can’t help but remember the poem I wrote about a pearl inside each of us… Click; Pearl in the Shell

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I have a gallery for you… Watch it with this music in the background 😉 JOHN LEGEND – ALL OF ME

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I am so sorry I don’t know the source of every photo here, it’s Google but I don’t have the exact. Beauty is everywhere. 🙂

Perspective – The power of eye behind the camera | Weekly Photo Challenge

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The photo that came into my mind with the “Perspective” was the above. This is the most powerful example of what we as an amateur photographers, professional photographers and photojournalists decide to focus on can give completely different story.

Images are powerful. Some of them get stuck in our heads forever. There is a reason why we say that something what has been seen can not be unseen. When we take our cameras, we hold the destiny of a photo. How it will be seen, how it will be perceived, what story will it tell.

War is war. There is no words necessary to explain why war photojournalist and reporters have the most difficult job. They are risking their lives and their emotions are high and with that they FAIL the basic rule or journalism – OBJECTIVITY.

There is no objectivity in war, in suffering, in pain. There is no objectivity in horror. And yet, the people behind their cameras and papers are our soldiers of perspective. They bring the story. They shape the public opinion. Photojournalists, journalists, reporters, editors, media owners and finally, media in general is our “man in the front”. And that man is scared. That man is terrified. That man is seeing things we don’t want to see. That man has to bow down to his editor. He does not know how will his (hers) photos end up in public. He is probably not aware of the agenda that goes on far away from fear. The perspective of the editors, the media, the government (any government) want to show. Want to nurture. Want to spread in order to form a public opinion. In order to validate the need of war. The need of war?

I can see the full picture here above. If I would want you to think that the proclaimed “enemy” has no mercy I crop. If I would want to show you how merciful is “our” side, I crop. Why is the enemy and our side in quotations? Because there is no difference between human and human. Just their agenda.

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This is an entry for Weekly Photo Challenge – Perspective. I did play with it myself and will publish my own photos, this was a point I wanted to highlight alone.

Disclaimer: I have found the photo on various sites and end up using the one from merlinuward.com